Why We Disagree - Understanding the Roots of Our Worldview
Different strokes for different folks
I've spent a long time reading, learning about human behavior, and simplifying how we perceive the world. This article is very dear to me, and I'm excited to share it after much effort. It's still a work in progress, but I hope you enjoy it!
When someone doesn’t agree with us, we often feel frustrated. We feel as though the other person simply cannot grasp the reasoning we've provided and fails to acknowledge the seemingly straightforward facts.
This can happen in many situations—whether it's a spouse not agreeing on a decision, a parent and child having different views on a topic, or colleagues at work misunderstanding each other’s perspective.
However, recognizing that each person’s experiences shape their views helps us understand why this is happening. As Morgan Housel puts it in his book - Same As Ever - instead of asking, "Why don’t you agree with me?" a more insightful question is:
"What have you experienced that I haven't that makes you believe what you do? And would I think about the world like you do if I experienced what you have?"
This perspective invites us to explore how individual experiences influence beliefs and viewpoints.
People have distinct needs, preferences, and circumstances, so what works for one person may not work for another.
Through the works of Adam Grant, Dan Ariely and other behavioral scientists, I learned about the deep connections between:
Biases,
Assumptions,
Identity, and
Beliefs
At first, I dismissed biases and assumptions as insignificant, mere trivialities. Yet, as time passed, I came to see them as powerful tools that distill complexity, simplifying our grasp of the world.
These elements shape how we perceive the world, make decisions, and interact with others. They shape our worldview and influence our thoughts, decisions, and actions.
Understanding these interconnected aspects is crucial—not only for understanding ourselves (very important) but also for understanding others. This insight lies at the heart of how we interpret and engage with the world around us.
Here's how they are defined and connected:
Biases
A bias is a tendency to favor or lean toward a particular perspective, idea, or group, often unconsciously or automatically. For example, assuming someone is good at math because of their ethnicity is a form of stereotyping bias. Similarly, assuming older adults are not tech-savvy without considering their individual experiences or skills is another example of bias.
Biases often stem from assumptions and beliefs and are reinforced by identity. For instance, if your identity includes membership in a group with certain shared beliefs, your biases may align with those beliefs.
Assumptions
Assumptions are ideas or beliefs accepted as true without proof or evidence. For example, assuming a quiet person is shy without engaging with them to understand their personality.
Assumptions can lead to biases if they are not critically examined. They are influenced by beliefs and may align with our identity to make the world seem more predictable. [We all crave for certainty!]
Identity
Identity is the sense of self, shaped by personal, cultural, social, and group affiliations. For example, identifying as a scientist might lead someone to value evidence-based beliefs, while identifying as an environmentalist may inspire a focus on sustainability, such as supporting green policies.
Identity informs our beliefs and assumptions. It acts as a “framework” through which we interpret biases and assumptions, often guiding how we see ourselves and others.
Beliefs
Beliefs are convictions or accepted truths held by an individual, often shaped by upbringing, culture, and personal experiences. For example, believing that hard work always leads to success, or that education is the key to success based on cultural or familial values.
Beliefs are “foundational”; they influence assumptions and biases and are often tied to our identity. Challenging beliefs can shift biases and reshape identity.
Interconnection
Feedback Loop:
Our identity shapes our beliefs (e.g., cultural identity might emphasize collectivism or individualism).
Those beliefs drive assumptions about the world (e.g., assuming teamwork is more effective than solo work).
Repeated assumptions become ingrained as biases (e.g., favoring team players over solo performers).
These biases, in turn, reinforce our identity and beliefs.
Self-Reinforcement:
Identity is deeply tied to emotional and social connections. When beliefs or biases align with our identity, we feel validated.
Conversely, challenges to our assumptions, biases, or beliefs can feel like threats to our identity, leading to resistance to change.
Worldview:
Together, these elements form a personal worldview, affecting how we interpret and respond to experiences, relationships, and challenges.
The Path to Improvement
Where you were born, when you were born, and the circumstances you grew up in shape your values, beliefs, and identity.
We all see the world differently, and that’s okay. However, simply knowing this is not enough.
It’s important to take action and make improvements. Here are some suggestions to help guide that process.
Be mindful of your thoughts when interacting with others, as we are often guided by our beliefs and biases unless we actively question them.
Constantly challenge your biases and assumptions. Jeff Bezos advocates for this by encouraging us to question our own ideas. He suggests that true leaders often question their own assumptions and continuously seek out new perspectives. This self-doubt is not a sign of weakness but rather a reflection of their commitment to innovation & learning.
Be a scientist: hold firm convictions about your ideas while remaining open to revising them when presented with new evidence. This is how scientists think. Adam Grant refers to it as 'strong ideas, loosely held.' Similarly, Morgan Housel discusses 'mental liquidity,' the ability to stay flexible and adaptable in your thinking.
Create a challenge network—a group of people who provide constructive criticism, challenge your ideas, and encourage critical thinking, ultimately pushing you to grow and improve. They aren’t afraid to disagree with you and offer alternative perspectives. Ensure you're surrounded not only by people who agree with you but also by those who push you to refine your thinking.
Summary
Disagreements often stem from differing experiences that shape our biases, assumptions, beliefs, and identity.
Biases, often unconscious, influence our perceptions;
assumptions, accepted without proof, shape our expectations;
beliefs, grounded in personal experiences, define our worldview;
and identity, rooted in affiliations, ties these elements together.
These components create a feedback loop, reinforcing each other and shaping how we engage with the world.
By appreciating these dynamics, we can foster deeper understanding of ourselves and others, improving relationships and decision-making.
PS: If this has sparked your curiosity then you may like to dive deeper. Here are some suggested readings:
Think Again - Adam Grant
Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely
Thinking in Bets - Annie Duke
Same As Ever - Morgan Housel
Beautifully written article! Leaving me with lots to ponder over