The Three Life-Defining Decisions
Vitally Important, Rarely Taught Series
There are thousands of decisions we make in our lifetime. However, there are only three decisions that matter the most. I call them the BIG 3. These are:
The work we do
The person we marry
The company we keep
It is therefore prudent to be deliberate in making these decisions. Let’s dive deeper.
Our Work
Work is an expression of who you are. A career is not just a source of revenue but also a channel for self-expression and a foundation for personal identity.
It's really hard to be honest with yourself about what you love. There is so much talk about passion and purpose. Some find it early. Most never. Let’s see why.
Our professional trajectories are significantly influenced by the subjects we pursued during our high school & university education. As children or young adults most people are not sure about what they would like to do professionally. But whether we are sure or not, we have to make a choice on this career crossroad. And therefore, our decision is influenced by the world around us.
It is usually hard to ask ourselves a simple question - “What work do I really want to do for the rest of my life?” An easy way out of this conundrum is to go for the proven or the safer or the most paying option. This sheds light on why so many of us find ourselves in professions that seem to choose us.
The good news is that the modern world offers us the opportunity to change our career any time we want. It is hard, but it is doable.
I agree that status quo is powerful but if we want we can get on a journey of hope and transformation, of learning and growth, of adventure and excellence.
It’s not easy to do something well. And if you want to do a good job, you have to love it. Then when you are putting the time in, you feel you are spending it well.
Every job takes you away from your family. Every job has sacrifices in it. So how about doing a job where you know those sacrifices are worth it. And you’d know you have found meaning in life.
Marriage
Deciding whom to marry has a disproportionate effect on our lives.
Our spouse provides us unconditional love and support and helps us lead a meaningful and inspiring life. There is immense solace in knowing there is someone who will always stand with you. The understanding one receives from the spouse is empowering. It helps us discover and pursue what we personally find meaningful.
In HBO’s 2017 documentary - “Becoming Warren Buffet” - the investing legend says that the biggest decision of your life will be who you choose to marry.
During a conversation with Bill Gates in Columbia University, Buffet says, “You want to associate with people who are the kind of person you’d like to be. You’ll move in that direction. And the most important person by far in that respect is your spouse". I can’t over-emphasize how important that is.”
A research at Carnegie Mellon University discovered, people with supportive spouses were more likely to experience personal growth, happiness and psychological well-being.
The topic of marriage is hard to teach and we have to figure it out ourselves. There is no universal answer. That’s because we all are uniquely different; we have different personalities and experiences.
The Company We Keep
This is not a one time but a continuous decision that we need to make. It is an extremely important one too.
Jim Rohn once said, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
The people we hang out with - knowingly or unknowingly - shape our thinking and actions. They can be the difference between success and failure. Therefore, we must not underestimate the influence of the company we keep.
Good company can deeply impact our values, beliefs, and actions, guiding us toward becoming better versions of ourselves. It shapes our understanding of the world and our role in it. Through our relationships and experiences, we get invaluable insights about love, duty, and the true meaning of happiness.
Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger emphasize the need to surround ourselves with positive people. Charlie says - “Get toxic people out of your life. And do it fast.” Moods are contagious and moody people can bring you down.
In our journey of personal growth and self-discovery, the people we hang out with play a crucial role. Surrounding ourselves with authentic and supportive friends is essential. they encourage us to stay true to ourselves and enable our transformation into a wise and caring human being.
In Summary
It makes sense to choose wisely when big decisions are to be taken. Of course, deep thinking & careful analysis is important but so is using our intuition.
One hack that I use is as follows. I think of each option and the one that feels comfortable in my chest (physically) is usually the best one. [This technique can be applied for regular decision making too.]
Several people regularly make sub-optimal decisions and I think the main reason for that is poor emotional management. Fear & worry are the two emotions we manage worst. Additionally, many people care too much about social/professional pressures while making their decisions.
I’d like to end this post by asking you a question - Do you think the Big Decisions in your life were made for you?
Agree, these essentially make your ecosystem and remain passionate about it . Quite right that these decisions were made for us .
Very true when we get connected with these relations we do inherit those qualities in character or get induced with. This gets reflected in our deeds and thoughts.